"do you feel any older"
no, i don't feel i have an age
i know that's a weird thing to say probably
but really i don't.
in some ways i feel so much younger than 19
so incredibly unprepared for the world and what it has to offer
and yet in some ways i feel so much older than 19
so tired already as if my body has been working for 190 years
i have a feeling i will always feel like this'
younger than 20, 30, 40, 50. terrifying.
well time is moving forward at an incredible pace
as it always does of course.
my friend texted me a really beautiful quote which made me tear up on the bus
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only causes sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. - Lao Tsuit's amazing because that is something i really believe to be true
i was thinking really about life on the tube today
i suppose it's all a series of changes and some of them are big and some of them are subtle
but nothing is stagnant. stagnation breeds insanity
i truly believe and know that.
and so i thought to myself really, there is no "point" to life.
so because there is no "point" to it,
stop stressing about finding what the "point" is.
just live in the moment.
create. love. feel pain. let pain flow away to make space for other things.
don't worry about what "the point of it all" is all the time.
it really causes so much stress and pain
to let this idea consume you.
speaking of consuming -
allow yourself to consume
(just know that consumer culture is hollow and vapid. we all know it - don't let it consume you. just have fun)
and, in a backwards roundabout way, that IS the point.
really, the point of it all is to stop worrying about finding out what the point is
and just live it
and define your own "point to life"
really i hope that made sense.
now that i am 19
i am wise.
i'm kidding
i started reading cat's cradle and i ordered some manga yesterday
this time next week...i will have had my first day at film school
