how could i forget...

this year
also... i turned 20
in september
i'm still not sure how i feel about it
and i'm trying not to be...
nostalgic??
for a teen experience that i didn't have

funny what you remember

wrapping up the year...

I can't believe I haven't posted on this blog since March
well I can
I dont know.
i guess i've been so busy.

since march i've done so much.
i shot a short film... which i loved the idea of but then the finished product??
idk i guess it's hard to love what you've made
the people i worked with though... wow.
truly amazing

i've made some videos and i've been uploading them on Vimeo
i guess is there anyone out there reading this?
i dont know
i've been so conflicted this year, it's been really quite difficult
lots of personal things have happened
and i'm still living at home
is that too personal?

its raining really hard right now

we've been taking so many film photos
we've had lots of late night talks
we went to corfu!
i want to travel so much
i want to see everything
sometimes it overwhelms me how much there is to see
and how little progress i seem to be making on it

yesterday i got a Facebook message from one of my favourite musicians
she is in the extended family of one of my best friends
and apparently she said, "will she believe it's me" and somehow i did...
even though i couldn't see/hear her
anyway she said "you can come to a gig in london any time" and that i should just ask my friend!
it's so exciting
i miss wanting to be a musician
and in fact it made me think yesterday, why did i give up that dream?
why did i settle for the fact that i'd never "make it"?
because...
does it matter?
is it worse that i gave up?
maybe i should go back to it.

so this year... like i said
its been quite tiring
i made a documentary about my mum
i did some TV modules at school (very demanding)
i made some little videos

birds from Kate Epps on Vimeo.
this is one of the videos that i made recently...

body comparative (01) from Kate Epps on Vimeo.
to be honest when i made these i wasn't feeling very good with myself.
i needed a still moment
and there's nothing more still than looking through the lens and watching birds
or looking at the moon
and really it sounds a bit pretentious and silly
but it helped
and that's the main thing

i dont know if i've learned anything this year
i've learned a lot and at the same time i feel like i haven't been paying attention
somehow
i dont know.
i made some really good friends though
and me and jack will celebrate our one-year mark next month
which is quite exciting

i'll probably be back
but if i'm not
peace to you